7.22

I dreamt that I was in an apartment complex where I've dreamt before. In the complex before, I was outwitted by a pretty realtor that I was hitting on. (Outwitted by my own subconcious). This time, I was again wandering aimlessly through people's unlocked apartments. Just now, I realize that I always wander through the same side, and never across the hall.

I came to the last room I ever get to, and I opened a closet just for kicks. There were hundreds upon hundreds of books in the closet. But there was no variety; there were five books and hundreds of copies of each. I had seen the books for sale in Barnes and Noble before in reality. I figured that the person who owned the house just bought the book that was on sale once a day (sadly the book on sale doesn't change once a day, and he ended up with hundreds of copies of Charlotte's Web and a few others).

The worst part of this whole dream (and really the reason why I'm writing about it) is that I couldn't turn my head. At all. Not to the right, or to the left, not up nor down. In order to look at the books in the closet, I was laying on the floor, craning against the pain and fear of looking up.

This has happened to me many times. I can't turn my head for no reason at all. I usually wake up with a stiff neck. But during the dream, it is the most terrifying thing imaginable. I've run from monsters and drowned and jumped off of too-high objects and been late and unable to run and lost my pants for hours at a stretch, but being unable to look around is the worst feeling of them all. Terror I can deal with because I know where it's coming from. Terror I can deal with because other people have been chased/naked/dead in dreams before. But being unable to look means that I have no idea what's going on around me. It's nothing that I've ever heard about before. It's my own body rebelling against me. I don't even want to write about it anymore because words are inadequate to express how terrified I was, lying there, looking at five hundred/five books on shelves in a closet in someone else's closet.