I reach for my phone to write a message about the funny thing I saw, but can't find the contact to add. The realization strikes me then, as subzero water freezing when shaken. The water is clear and liquid until a single crystal forms, and the whole is transformed into ice.
I take breath to share my inmost thoughts but the room is empty. The realization strikes me then, as being crushed. The body's first instinct is to hold its breath, but as the ribs bend around the lungs, everything is bruised.
I despair.
God is with me. The realization strikes me then, as an icicle drip down the back of my coat, which rolls down my spine. It tingles and freezes and then I forget. I keep walking, unhappy and warm.
God is with me. The realization strikes me then, as a cramp in the arch of my foot. I stretch it out and it goes away.
God is with me. The realization strikes me then, as a train bearing down on me, which terrifies me, but is sidestepped and forgotten.
God is with me. The realization strikes me, but it doesn't do anything.
No Sherlock today. Just . . . some of the reason why I'm writing Sherlock instead of what I have in my heart.
ReplyDelete(I keep trying to write a comment, but) All I can do is nod.
ReplyDeleteHard stuff, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteNo one else should have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteNo one.
Not ever.
No more.
You're sure it's not part of being on a sinful planet?
ReplyDeleteCertainly it's part of being on a sinful planet. And certainly it sucks, but at least it makes for good literature.
ReplyDeleteSinful planet or no-- no, PRECISELY because it IS an unnatural, sinful planet--, it is wrong and I can't stand it. Won't stand it. Just . . . no.
ReplyDeleteAlso:
If this is what makes good literature (it IS good, btw, Robby-- better than good), what will good literature be in Heaven, on the New Earth-- in a non-sinful environment.
Will there be no literature?
God forbid.
I think a big part of what makes literature good is our ability to relate to and understand it. In Heaven we will understand more things, different things, better things. (We understand so little here.)
ReplyDeleteBut literature is driven by conflict. Is there no conflict in heaven? I don't want my greatest work in heaven to be "Which of the God-head is more awesome? Answer: Yes."
ReplyDeleteSometimes I also worry about not being able to be special in heaven. I want God to love me for me; it would diminish his gifts to me if everybody else could do them. This is brought on by all the people who are so adamant that "I CAN DO ANYTHING IN HEAVEN." I pray God takes the wind out of their sails.
Quite honestly Heaven isn't something I worry much about. (I completely blame Mr. Grow for this.) This is my reasoning:
ReplyDeleteIf God is a loving God (and I believe that He is) then God would not bring His creations to a place where they would be miserable. Therefore, Heaven cannot be a place where we would be miserable.
Now, that in no way answer the question about what we will be able to do in Heaven, but as we have no way of knowing that anyway, I find the knowledge that Heaven will not be miserable enough.
Robby, you can and always will be special here on Earth and special in Heaven and special wherever else you go. Location cannot change that.
ReplyDeleteThe conflict-driven literature thing worries me. As does what we will do in Heaven, on the New Earth, etc.
Brooke is right. I know she is right intellectually. She has to be.
. . . it's just that it starts with such a very big "if," and sometimes I can't help doubting. But as mixed up and difficult as life here and now is, I know I could not even bear to live in a world where there was no (possibly) loving God. So I suppress my doubts (poorly).
Yeah . . . God isn't dumb. I'll just assume that he'll take care of it.
ReplyDeleteBut I have a half-selfish half-selfless desire to be special at something in heaven. I don't want the tards who say "I'll be good at EVERYTHING" to be right.
They'll only be good at EVERYTHING if they work at it, and by then, everyone else will have worked at EVERYTHING, so other people will still be better than them at SOME THINGS. . . .
ReplyDelete