It feels like you're walking up to the best person in the world. You love them, just for who they are and what they represent. Everything you are and value is riding on this one person and you want them to want you back you need them to hold you in the same light. And you're walking up, slow. Tense. Your heartbeat crushes your eardrums with noise. Your stomach churns. Your vision narrows. You're anxious and worried and hopeful and excited all at once. You feel simultaneously like screaming and laughing. It's all mixed up. They turn and look at you and you're poised, heart in your throat, ready to explode, anticipating the best feeling in the world, and you see that smile crack their face, they reach to embrace you, and that's when the cold hits your limbs and your knees give way and the next ten seconds feel like they're in a different color and you know they'll love you too, and they'll feel the same way about you as you do about them.
That's what it feels like and if they tell you anything different, they're lying or selling something.
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Hahaha, "Life is pain, Highness."
ReplyDeleteI take issue with the "everything you are and value is riding on this one person" part, which is probably strange given the way I feel. Oh, well. I can't help feeling I exist at least partly as a warning to others, so there.
I think you've captured something marvelous here, and I love that it's different from mine. So . . . the "if they tell you anything different" part is rather hilarious.
Is this really what is?
Well, to be vague: I was trying to explain what is isn't by using what this is. The idea was to make it resonate with someone who isn't me.
ReplyDeleteThat was not explanatory, but I don't have the time or the gumption to explain better.
And no, this isn't what is. What is can be better explained by a sneeze. Half fear and pain and self-loathing, half euphoria and closed eyes and exhalation.
And fleeting.
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