My Acolyte Journey: 2014.4

Harbinger.
Anberlin. This song is absolutely full to the gills with things that people want to hear. We'll live forever. We'll be together. These are the myths that people love to tell themselves. Heaven is just this extreme level of wish fulfillment. Reincarnation promises eternal life. Collectivism promises togetherness. Success will make your legacy last an eternity. Love will keep you from drifting apart.
The song is a dream state, though. The musical intro drifts, disconnected and out of time, finally picking up urgency with the singer, but never losing the underbeat of the dream. We're told that people are paid to feel free, bribed to be content. We're told to fall asleep. We're told that life isn't all perfection: we need who we would bleed for, a sacrifice unnecessary in a true dream.
This song's words and sound echo the dissatisfaction I feel today, and perhaps have felt for a very long time. I was exhausted and the dog rolled up on me and whined at the edge of my bed at 6:30. I've been awake for two and a half hours doing nothing, fervidly wishing that I would crash, exhausted, back to sleep. I'm afraid I'll never sleep in again. And in my current angry mood, I'm pissed at everything: God, Feminism, Ben Carson, Moberly Middle School, and Watson. [Brief aside: I wrote that on Sunday morning, became disaffected by the blog itself, and then stayed up until the small hours doing Lord only knows what.] Maybe it's the perfect time for a disaffected song that reflects my generic brand of disgust, or maybe it's absolutely the incorrect time to be wallowing in self-constructed misanthropy, further echoing in on my psychosis in an increasingly torpid stupor in which even the intrusion of minutiae is unbearable.
Yet.
I would love for someone to find a private moment and pull me into a hug with a grip that communicates the immediacy and the passion of the truth of it: some relationships last forever. Because right now things are hard here, now.

I wouldn't buy this, for whatever that's worth now. I haven't bought any music for a year or more now. I didn't even buy any at McKay's, and it's ludicrously cheap there. I don't think "I would buy this" is a good metric any more. I'll find one for the next forty, but for now just understand that I wouldn't buy this song if it were offered to me for a dollar.