1.10

Five words to describe a life, my life, any life, you:

Dissatisfaction
Don't nail me down, please. I once worked as a janitor doing the same thing every day for three hours, and it nearly killed me. I am a dilettante of the highest order. I can't eat a sandwich without growing bored and looking for something else to stuff into my head until it's so full I can't even remember how I forgot some things I used to think were important.

Sublime
I'm not it, but I want it. I gape at sunsets and sunrises. I make plans for eclipses months in advance. I lose my mind when I learn something unbelievable. I have memories of losing all sensation to my body because I could feel the sanctity of the moment and I was terrified of living in it and too afraid of losing it. I remember hearing a colony of bees in a silent wood and watching the shadow of the earth slip over the moon and hearing the crickets in midday with Russell and standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon and my first time making love and the feeling of a major injury just after I knew I was bleeding but before I felt pain.

Perfection
If I try, really put my mind to something, actually knuckle down and give every effort I have, I care more about your opinion of that work than whatever inconsequential meat sack I happen to be living in. Jared saw it and cut me to the bone with a knife made of this observation. Call me what you want. Think I'm petty, small, egotistical, loud, idiotic. Do what you will, just love what I've made for you. Maybe he was right. (He was.)

Optimism
I don't know how this word applies to me. I take the contrary view to everything. I poke holes in everything. I can see both sides to everything. I do all these things, and I still believe that humans are trying to be good, that the planet is incredible, that God exists, and that if I just laugh every day, I'll look back and accidentally find that I've lived a very good life. So far, I'm not wrong.

Yes
There are probably more things in this world I will not do than things that I will. I'm pretty straight-edged, boy-scout, clean-cut. This isn't about saying yes to anything. This is about being willing to take the right risk at the right time. I will ride my bicycle across the country by myself. I will quit my job just as I get good at it. I will drive somewhere unknown. I will fall in love. Yes, I like my life. Yes, I will take more of it, thank you, and pass the sauce.