12.29

What fortunate circumstance drew me outside to see the carriage crash I cannot recall. Perhaps it was the abominable barking of my neighbor's small dog, Bartlett, whose body shakes miserably with each violent sound until he has expelled all his own misery into the street for other people to have. While I am usually the main recipient of the unfortunate fusillade, on this occasion, Bartlett made sure to include others, I am certain. What else but the excreta of this deplorable fiend could have so quickly and soundlessly turned the carriage, jamming it permanently into the tightest part of the lane, necessitating my swift extrication of the unfortunate occupants? That, sir, is my report to you, and though I know you cannot charge canines with civil crimes, I hope you can find in the law an exception for the fiend Bartlett. Good day, sir.