10.30

[I have decided to restart Catherine. I was just . . . hoping? Hoping is the right word. I was hoping for something more alive and vibrant and I just can't seem to do it. I guess it's true: change one thing at a time. I was trying to do too much (a female protagonist, a third-person narrative, a happy ending) all at the same time, and it just tanked. So here's try number two. I'm starting over. Thanks for hanging in there for as long as you did. I hope things are better the second time around.]

Catherine is the name of nobody famous. Catherine the Great, Catherine of Aragon, Catherine Zeta-Jones--you get the picture. Old dead ladies that nobody cares about. And whether or not they're all dead (Catherine Zeta-Jones looks half-skeletal anyway, give me a break), people laugh when I say that it's just me and aunt Cathy holding down the fort. And then mom tells me that self-deprecating humor is for losers.
Good job supporting your only daughter. When the judge asks why I ran away, I'll cite verbal abuse.

Since I'm basically destined to be dead and famous, I thought I'd enjoy being alive and unfamous for as long as it lasted. I chose boring, boring coursework, and boring, boring books to read. I did boring things on the weekend and generally avoided excitement. It's difficult to fit in and be invisible in college unless you do. The only flaw in my plan (the only gaping hole) was Rosalyn. Is Rosalyn. Will be Rosalyn. She is in all tenses simultaneously in a feat sure to make God himself contemplative. She is energy and explosion and my best friend. Rosalyn isn't bad, though. She drags me out of our caveroom and into the screeching light of day. She listens to my rants. She shares her rants with me. (I feel like hers are more vibrant than mine, because she has lived ever so much more life than I have. After she complains about guys proposing endless love to her, I start to feel like I've read a harlequin novel titled Rosalyn: The Taming of the Soul with her and some shirtless, muscled Mexican on the cover being attacked by a snake that symbolizes his sexuality which she tames violently with a sword of her own battle-hardened psyche. Basically, Rosalyn is amazing, and her stories are the best.)
Hey, self!
Yeah, self?
Can I ask a stupid question?
Of course, anything for me.
Why am I friends with Rosalyn?
This is an excellent question. Let me explain it to me. We met in high school when she got in trouble and had to go to the school library while I was tutoring there. I taught her Math. She taught me life. It was an environment like those tiny white birds that clean the crap out of alligators' teeth. Symbiosis. Mr. Patterson would be proud that his biology lesson was not a waste. Little did he know that one student would use one thing from his class one time to explain something completely unrelated. Thank you, high school, for teaching me that anything is useful if you break it first. So Rosalyn and I became friends before I knew her, if that makes any sense. We got to know each other in the library where she couldn't be loud, and by the time she invited me to her house to meet her whole family (there are six of them), I had already shared with her my deepest secrets and there was no looking back. We were best friends.
So, self, I guess you could say that the force that brought us together was elemental, unavoidable, and completely perfect.
Thank you, self. You did a most admirable job, if I don't say so myself.
Aren't we clever?

I'm nineteen, which mom says is a horrible age for me (I should be eight again when the world was simple).
I'm in college, which Ros says is a great place to be (all the smart boys go to college).
I'm wrong in all the right places, which I says is a mighty fine way to screw up your life.
I'm Catherine, dead and famous. Pleased to meet you.

[Curtis is writing last lines for me. "And Petey said to Julianne 'Thank you so much.'" "And they all lived happily ever after, except for the three lying dead on the floor." "And they all rode away to find new adventures. . . " I think he wants to go to bed. I like Catherine more already. I have plans.]