He looked across the table at the girl he liked, who only had eyes for that boy, there, the one who tries to keep his intentions from being obvious, but everybody knows the future of them if their trepidation can be overcome by a force outside the two would-be lovers whom he, remember, envies, and in his envy, cherishes begrudgingly, despite his best friend leaning in close and whispering softly "Aren't they just the cutest?" Yes, they are. And it's terrible, he thinks, but privately. Outside, he smiles.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I will make you cry tears of blood. Get ready to be depressed.
Dance in the Full Moon
O, the Frailty of Memory
Pride Goeth Before a Fall
Hindsight
My Serial Mistakes
- Top40 (46)
- NaNoWriMo (19)
- Sherlock Holmes (8)
- Thomas (7)
- Alesia (5)
This is Your Fault
-
I recently went on pilgrimage to the place on Earth where I feel closest to God, a valley in Kings Canyon National Park, in October after th...
-
28 hours There is a place where my body gets when I am tired unto exhausted, after I feel a physical shudder where my body dips into a lowe...
-
Slap a label on my back and market me to the younger generation. I'll sell like hotcakes; they love seeing an old man make a fool of him...
Sheeple
licensing
No, the stuff on this blog is not free. It is not yours. You may not have it. It is mine, mine alone, all mine.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
I am licensing this with Creative Commons (no derivatives, no commercialization) because I'm such a nice guy.
So feel free to post this whenever wherever you want, as long as you give me credit and a linkback, you don't make any money (even ad revenue) from it, and you don't change it at all. It would be nice as well if you gave me a heads up, first.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Yeah, this is not a feeling only to guys, fyi.
ReplyDeleteI always feel terrible when I'm secretly envious of some happy pair's happiness and terrible cuteness. (Is the narrator envious of the force outside them? I wasn't certain. Either way, it works.)
Either way, it's very human.
I do know this isn't exclusive to men. In fact, I think it happens more keenly in many women I know.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes: regret and envy are very human.
I speculate that the amount of intensity might comes from societal expectations, which are sometimes hard to separate one's self from and are different between men and women.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I know part of it's due to me simply not understanding how that all works. Like, I can see it happening to others, but for the life of me I cannot figure out the mechanics of it all. (Perhaps there aren't any mechanics. Who knows.)
I kinda think part of it (for me) is, like, since I don't fall in like very often, I kinda have trouble not thinking that the person I develop feelings for must be "THE ONE"? 'Cause, like, there's this whole narrative of true love and soulmates that's really comforting when I have nobody specific to pin that hope on.
ReplyDeleteBut then, that same idea was just devastating to me when it turned out that me liking someone wasn't enough, that I wasn't enough, and now, looking back, I can see that the way I was thinking was a fallacy.
And, like, maybe this is a geek social fallacy thing, or maybe it's kinda a girl thing, 'cause like, we're not supposed to ask? But the longer I let that sort of thing build up, the worse it got, and then of course that led to feelingsmail and nonsense that is now deeply embarrassing.
So anyway, if there are mechanics or whatever, they're probably like, if you like somebody, say so before it becomes a thing, and if the person says no, then let it go and try again.
But anyway, if love is a choice, so is letting go. I think. (And, of course, it's safer and easier to let go when the rope is still just a few feet off the ground.)
I think for some people, especially those who weren't at their peak in high school, relationships start to take a terrible spectre. Starting, stopping, or even being in a named, specific relationship with a stated goal of feeling out the possibility of more--that's true horror.
ReplyDeleteAnd for people like that, it's easy, if not likely to look at people who did gain their confidence early out swinging wildly from one relationship to another and to think "I want that." But honestly, no one in my experience has gone from one extreme to the other, and if they have? Maybe they didn't advertise it because they didn't like it.
In my (limited) experience, jumping from extreme to extreme usually signifies trauma of some sort. So, yeah.
ReplyDelete