12.31

The first three drafts I've deleted, closed the app, and tossed the phone across the room. I'm now writing here, on paper, and the results aren't much better, but at least they're tactile. At least now, when I can't find the safest words to both express the intensity of my emotion and the fear that my fervent language will drive you away, at least now, when I throw the mangled meaning across the room and pull out a new sheet of stationery to smooth onto the desk, at least now, there is some angry sound of small cuts a great distance away as heard through a poor speaker when my shaking hands take up the pen and tear ink into the paper again (and again --and again).