Dance in the Full Moon

O, the Frailty of Memory

Thursday, May 6, 2010

5.6

Bad Soliloquy in a Bad Play I will never write: (and have never written)
What's so compelling about men, anyway? I read it in a book. We're compelling. The book said "A man really has to love a woman to spend as much time with her as she wants." Which is strange, because I don't spend as much time in my own head as she'd like to.

I know why I'm interested in me. I'm egotistical. I know why other men are interested in me. We like comparing ourselves to others: where do we exceed, where do we fail, in comparison to the other? I know why my daughter is interested in me. She listens to what I have to say or I make her go to timeout. But why my wife is interested in me is something I'll never know.

I give her no cause:

I take her love and give none back
I leave her with excess responsibilities
I poke fun at her accomplishments
I leave unexpectedly
I find anger much too soon
I don't laugh at her jokes
I belittle her friends

I fail as a father
I halt as a husband
I miscarry as a man

I start most of my sentences with "I." And yet she still says that she loves me when she rolls over in the night.

7 comments:

  1. Well-written, but even though my reply just drags this down a bit, I'm giving you an answer anyway.

    I can't speak for all of she-kind, but this she likes spending time in other people's heads because she really needs to get out of her own head sometimes (lots of times), and he-kind heads are like walking into a library: well-organized, full of possibilities, quiet, and restful (and sometimes there's even a comfy chair).

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  2. That is extremely apt and very well put.
    I appreciate your saying that, because . . .
    I like seeing things that I know intimately from an outside perspective. I know my mind and can display it from the inside in a way which you cannot know, but I cannot see my mind from the outside to compare it to foreign things. My skill is appreciable, but I'm not a miracle worker.

    This is why I read books: to gain the outside perspective.
    Your comment just gave me some, congrats.

    Can I post it places? It sounds very wise.

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  3. I cannot believe that you actually liked that.

    Sure, if you want. Did you ever do anything with that random crazy play I scribbled? Caitlin also wants to know what you thought of the... uhm... random old things with additions.

    I like seeing things from other perspectives, too.

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  4. I liked the classic literature. Katy laughed so hard she almost fell off her bed (which is no mean feat because it's huge).

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  5. And I haven't done anything with your play yet. Thanks for reminding me. I've got to get on that.

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  6. I'll be sure to tell Caitlin.

    I fall off my bed sometimes. I did last night because a jumping cockroach scared me just as I was getting to an interesting part of "The Mysterious Benedict Society," which is an EXCELLENT book I started last night and of which I have already read 200 pages.

    And... Yes, yes, you do.

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