Mom, Dad. Thanks for your upbringing. Really, it was great. I look back on the idyllic days of my childhood with a kind eye. There wasn't anything you did wrong. Everything was spot on, pitch-perfect, and ideal. How you managed it is beyond me. Maybe the bad bits I don't remember. Maybe you really did do everything right.
But now, I have a complaint.
You see, your religion has certain requirements with which I don't sit well. Your positively draconian guilt system has been bred into me so deeply that getting rid of it is going to take me the rest of my life. Your views on sexuality and the guilt contained therein have thrown me so hard against the wall that I haven't just bounded off and fallen. I've been crushed by impact.
So what I'm asking is this: was it necessary for me to be afraid of myself in order to have such an amazing life? Was it necessary for me to feel like the worst person on earth in order for me to be a good person?
I'm going. I think I'm going to keep your religion, but throw out the guilt.
Sola scriptura.
Sola fide.
Sola gratia.
O dominus, da gratiam.
--Martin Luther
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Ooh, I like this, especially since our Sabbath afternoon activity has been about the life of Martin Luther. (I'm a prince(ss) at the Diet of Worms, and I'm the only one who pronounces Worms correctly.)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I really like it too. I wrote it in a fit of passion, so I guess I'm becoming a Romantic.
ReplyDeleteThe questions you ask here "afraid of myself" and "worst person on earth" are interesting in light of what Paul said about the body of death.
ReplyDeleteExcellent verses, Janelle. Really depressing, but then all failure is sad. Especially spiritual failure.
ReplyDeleteI wrote this when I was angry at guilt. So I guess I share that with Paul?
Yeah, so I've been reading this book by Frank Phillips lately: *His Robe or Mine?*
ReplyDeleteIt's really interesting. Basically, you take everything ever said about the righteousness of Christ and splice it with what Peter says in 2 Peter 1 about the "ladder of faith" and the "exceedingly precious promises" . . .
It's what got me through this summer, and now I'm starting to slip backwards into sadness and ridiculousness because sleep, but I guess I'll say this:
This summer, I have learned that I can live a victorious, sinless Christian life by surrendering to God and trusting Him implicitly. I've learned that Christ really is the One who "works in us to will and to do His good pleasure."
I wrote the above comment to point out that the guilt thing is common, but somehow I messed up on writing out the good part. The faith part.
I want to say more, but I don't feel as though anything I could say would be adequate to express what I'm slowly trying to learn. I guess I'll just leave it with the fact that I understand how Paul and Luther and you felt, and I think all of you figured out/will figure out at some point that it doesn't have to end there.
Read the other blog. It has the sister post for this. I am still trying to fathom grace.
ReplyDeleteA good thing to fathom. I shall look it up.
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