What's a pledge of undying love in the face of so many years apart? We were young and unscrupulous. We made mistakes and laughed about them. We jumped in head-first. It was the best time of my life, and I make no apologies for my actions. Other men may hem and haw, but I know I loved her. I promised myself to her.
Only now has she found that loving a man is difficult when the man isn't there.
How good is her word, I wonder? How excellent is her promise? At first the letters found me rapidly, then dwindled. Now I suppose they have been called to halt. How good is the word of my woman? When she promises herself, does she know what I hear? Does she know how it shakes my heart?
I don't see as though it matters; I made a promise I intend to keep until I'm out of here, and I've atoned for my sins, and I see her again, and . . . If she's left me for another man, it will tear me apart, but at least I'll be true to my word.
I don't see as though it matters; I made a promise I intend to keep until I'm out of here, and I've atoned for my sins, and I see her again, and . . . If she's left me for another man, it will tear me apart, but at least I'll be true to my word.
God, I know I've been a bad man.
Please let me deserve a good woman.
--Johnny Cash
What is a pledge from anyone? One can be as loyal as the sunlight, but without the assurance that the other is equally true . . . there is nothing. And where can one find that trust, that assurance? How can one be sure?
ReplyDeleteI think simply that one can't. One can't ever be sure. But one can believe. One can choose to trust. But one can never be sure, one can never know.
I guess that, in part, was H.M. Stanley's problem. Hmph. That is why long distance sucks.
It does suck.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think that part of a good trust relationship is that you don't ask the questions anymore. You believe without having to decide to believe.
But I wouldn't know; I've never been there.
I have been there. And I agree with you. When the decision ceases to be a decision, because it's been proven fact, that's trust. And when you're with the right person, it's easy to trust. The only problem, I suppose, is when you're wrong . . . Not that I have much experience with that.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the real question is how to get there. But I think that happens naturally.
I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling nonsense now.
Sunlight may be loyal, but it goes in every direction haphazardly, regardless of where Earth is, and any passing cloud can cover it up.
ReplyDeleteYeah, yeah, I know, that wasn't the point.
But I don't think it ever ceases to be a decision. My parents have been married over thirty years, and they still check in with each other. They still decide to be together. They still decide to trust. Is the decision made easier with experience? Yes. But I think the moment one stops actively choosing to be in a relationship, to be the best in that relationship, to hope for/believe in/ strive for the best from/in/for that other person, the relationship is . . . is . . . like a tree that stops growing.
Silly thoughts.
People sometimes think that marriage or intercourse will "fix" their relationship. That's bollocks. But I think MAYBE a relationship is easier to fix from within the bounds of a marriage? Because there's already a framework and a security to being married, it makes it easier to fight and make up?
ReplyDeleteI think I agree with that statement. I keep going back to this: "At what point do you turn and walk away, knowing that the relationship/other person isn't worth fighting for anymore?"
ReplyDeleteI think once married, you've decided that that moment won't happen, whereas while dating, you're always wondering if it will, and every time you come upon a problem, you're thinking, "Is this it?"
This probably makes no sense, but I've done a lot of "couples counseling," so to speak, lately, and that seems to be their problem.
Sounds about right. At least, that's the way it SHOULD work. But you know about should bes and could bes.
ReplyDeleteYeah, yeah, and the "if only"s. But . . . I still think love is a choice. Commitment is a choice. Communication is a choice. If you want that for your marriage, then you can make it happen (if you pick the right spouse who wants it, too).
ReplyDeleteYou can't fix everyone else, but at least you always have your own free will.