[again, not Catherine]
I am
a man.
I can prove it. See my chromosomes? One X, one Y. Crucial. There's more. Broad shoulders, facial hair, deep voice, height, love of well-cooked pies. It's all genetic.
There's more. Just one thing more, but it's there. I love her.
It makes me a man.
Not that it defines me, you understand, but it's what makes me feel most strongly as a man. You don't get it. That's fine. Let me use terms you understand.
When I hold her, my heart
races.
When I touch her, my fingers
tingle.
When she laughs, my laughter
flies.
When I see her, my eyes
smile.
When we talk, my words
dance.
When I hear her, my mind
churns.
When I miss her, my soul
creaks.
When she loves me, my joy
bursts.
When we kiss, my world
stops.
And that makes me a man. I can feel it, right deep down in my soul and I never need to question because she's there and she knows and that's alright with me.
The only thing that I don't understand
is
I haven't found her yet.
If you see her, tell her to call me. I've missed her while she was gone.
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I had a woman tell me recently that her breakup with me was alright because I had someone better for me waiting out there.
ReplyDeleteThat's not a help.
Well, if I thought you'd agree, I'd say she's right here. It's funny how that works... The people who care the most are never the ones we could see ourselves with. Thank goodness God is a mastermind, right? You'll find her Robby ^_^ The second you stop worrying about it and trying to handle it yourself is the second He steps in. (Tell me when you figure out how to do that.... >_<)
ReplyDeleteShe didn't! I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOkay, look, Robby, I'm going to say something that, well, I'm not sure what you'll do with it, but know that I'm saying it because I can't see anything better and I care about you.
I think you're right about love making you a man, but I don't think that the love of a woman, your love for a woman, is anything like enough for you to be the kind of man you seem to want to be. I think that in saying that she is the one who elevates you, who inspires you to be all and hazard all and work and strive and live . . . that's a lot.
And I get that loving a woman makes you feel alive or stops your world, or messes with your body in a way completely similar and completely different (I can sense that cringe; you're welcome) from getting blood drawn too quickly from a heart that beats too slowly (or not slowly enough).
But you and I both know that there's a greater love that ACTUALLY makes you a man, and that's the kind of love that will bring you the right "she" when you're actually ready for her and she's actually ready for you. And I'm not saying that you don't already do that because whenever we talk about this you say you do, and you are honest.
So have a little patience. CSL (great guy, even if he DID misappropriate that reference to Joy) said that sometimes, God lets us wait longer than we think we need to for something He really wants to give us to teach us to lean on Him and keep striving with Him and be patient and hold on to Him no matter the circumstances. I know you know that, but have you ever considered that she is on a journey of her own, and maybe she's not ready for you?
I'm not telling you to force your feelings, and I think you're already doing this, and I'm trying to do it myself, but at some point we have to cling to what we know and make it a part of ourselves, of how we live. My "what I know and must cling to" is God's assertion that I have worth; maybe this thing you've written is about yours?
Sheesh. It didn't feel that long in the "post a comment box."
ReplyDeleteI have written an essay; you're welcome. :-P
Mm.
ReplyDeleteWell, this is just to say I read everything.
Additionally, I'm not desperate. I understand that you see this and go "Well, he might already know this but I feel it's necessary to say."
I wrote it that I haven't met her because I haven't. And that's fine.
Don't freak out.
And yet. If there is a woman wandering about with a big sign that says "Where's Robby?" you might should send her my way.
Sometimes I feel like Byron, fielding suspicions from people who assume I'm writing my life 100% of the time.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should stop doing it so often. It supplies so many good opportunities, though!
Anyway, I'm getting better all the time.
http://youtu.be/gP4apO4dbhw
Fair enough. Yeah, you sort of are like Byron, but Byron was pretty great, and I think that's why it happened, so . . . compliment?
ReplyDelete