4.16b

He doesn't want to brush his teeth because then the taste will go away. He wants to remember this moment. He wants to have this feeling to fall back on when his mouth won't ever taste this way again.

Ginger Beer, what have you done with my life?

4.16a

Sometimes, his fascination with despair worried him. He had never been depressed. He was sad from time to time, sure. But never depressed. The mechanics of it: how did it work? Why did people stay that way? Was it a choice, or was it something unhelpable--something sinister that snuck up on you in the dark and pounced and clung to your shoulders, dragging you down into the dirt until you couldn't breathe?

Sometimes, his fascination with despair worried him. Until she left.

Then, it wasn't a worry: it was a reality.

http://cl.ly/TNy

I stand in the sun for now, but how long can I stand before I burn?

4.14

"There's a photo of me that does not look super cute. I was in the Bahamas, and I was sleep-deprived."

"So I won't look at it, as a favor to you?"

"Eh, I think you've seen me look worse than that, so . . ."

"Ok. That's good. Here's a revelation from me to you: you don't have to impress me. I'm already impressed."

"With what are you impressed?"

"You. And that preposition usage, but you more than anything else."

4.13

He raised the mug to his fat, stupid face. I wished the mug was unwashed, or filled with poison. But it sparkled clean and the water inside was clear and not green.

"So you see," he started again. I could hear his tongue sounds as he talked. I could always hear his tongue sounds. They cracked out of his civilized speech like a Cinco de Mayo celebration in Tijuana--loud and filled with gunfire and tequila. His tongue was always too close to the top of his mouth--that's why. It got in the way and slapped against his palate and shoved the air back up through his nose and made his voice sound like it had been recorded on a broken tape player. "We have to break up. Are you listening to me?"

This last bit came because I stooped to tie my shoe. And again, his old-radio voice "Are you listening to me?" No, you fat slob. I'm not listening. I'm trying not to cry.

4.12

"Sometimes, it's hard for me to be a man. God made men to . . . want . . . women. You know, 'go forth and multiply.' "

Silence.

"So it makes it hard for me to control myself around you sometimes. It's a constant struggle against the devil in my mind. You know, I'm pretty sure that every man has said this at one point or another, but I have a monster inside me."

Silence.

"I think that's probably a line from Twilight, which just goes to show how dried up and hackneyed it really is. I think about perverse, degraded, stupid things entirely too often."

Silence.

"And of course, you know . . . sex."

Giggles.

4.11

"Would you rather . . . be eaten by a Crocodile, or an Alligator."

"What's the difference?"

"Crocodiles have craggledy teeth."

"Hm. Crocodile then. You?"

"Yeah. They're way cooler."

"Would you rather . . . pick one thing that you knew would work out in the end, or have no idea what was happening, but be assured that everything would be okay?"

"Be assured that everything would be okay. You?"

"Yeah."

She's way better at this than I am.

4.9b

Click

Another moment in time saved forever. She's holding him, he's laughing and running away, she's got jelly in her hand and he's got jelly on his shirt.

Click

Another moment in time preserved. She's talking on the phone to her friend about how he's never around. He's not around.

Click

Another moment in time that the universe will never be rid of. She's yelling. He's yelling.

4.9a

He fell.

Collecting himself from the sidewalk, gathering up all his blood and pain, he launches himself into the air at improbable speed.

Catapulting through the air, he bounces off the surface of the building, leaving a streak of him-ness.

Breathing deeply

he jumped.

4.7b

This morning, I finished my 10 page paper. I went to print it and printed 2 copies because "I'm a good student." I actually mouthed those words to myself when I pressed "print" the second time.

The papers came out crisp and clean.

22 pages with works cited, written and finalized and printed by me.

I got to class. The assignment called for 2 copies of the paper.

I slowly mouthed "I'm a good student."

4.7a

"No, I can't call her. I can't text her. No, because I'm talking to you. Well, I'll do it when I get off the phone with you."

I literally heard this conversation the other day and it has stuck with me.

4.5

I returned to the room hours later. It was exactly the same as before. It was quiet.

She bounced out of the closet behind me and sprayed silly string all over me. "Happy Birthday! I know it's a week late, but it's the best I could do!"

She stopped talking when she saw the tears on my face. "What's wrong?"

"I'm leaving you." I paused. "That's why I came by."

She left. I sat in the silly string and cried for hours.

4.4

Today I was eating in CK with Josh and I saw a girl I’ve known for some time. She stood up to leave and saw me. So I smiled and waved. She waved back.

And then her face flashed pity so strong I almost choked.

And it’s not like there’s a comprehensible reason for it. I haven’t hung out with her for a while because school placed us in different classes and work and whatever. I have absolutely no idea why she pities me. Maybe . . . no, I got nothing. I mean, it could be that I was misreading her face. It could have also been the condescending happy face that people make at children when the kid does something stupid and adorable. BUT it had an element of sadness around the eyes. If you ARE that person or someone (preferably female) with some insight, go ahead and throw it at me because I’m superconfused.

4.2b

He watched the glass revolve in the air. It landed lip-down, perfectly level, on the cement. It splattered like water from the lip up until it was spread in tiny chunks around his feet.

Butterfingers.

4.2a

Her finger left a hot trail of sparks up my arm. She left and went to sleep.

How long would the fire burn me?

3.31b

I know it's the first. I'm still stuck in the 31st. Katy wrote this:

Regard:

"Unforgeable day!"

What, pray tell, do you think this means?

I wrote this:

ell, "to ge" is obviously the root verb, which is the past tense of the verb "to go" but only when the individual likes men with hairy bums. The addition of the morphemes "Un" and "for" lead me to the belief that it isn't "ge" and that the person doesn't realize what a morpheme is and just threw in "for" to make it sound better. And the "able" brings us to the final meaning of "I can't go gay today."