Danny scooted a little closer. He wouldn't be shy, or hesitant, or afraid.
Danny laughed a little fuller. He wouldn't be slow, or awkward, or held back.
Danny pushed a little harder. She didn't like that about him.
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This isn't fair. Why is it ok to be inflexible and tough sometimes? At other times, it's sexual harassment. GET IT STRAIGHT I AM NOT ARGUING FOR RAPES.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm saying that it's insanely tough to cultivate a strong attitude and then have to back off for such specific problems.
Maybe I understand men.
Maybe you do understand men. Or maybe you understand man. I'm not entirely sure.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I am surprised you don't understand. I mean, I get your frustration; walking that line is difficult. However, understanding what is harassment or rape or whatever is not that hard. (In my opinion.)
Not doing what is considered to be those things is difficult, too. Sometimes I have a hard time not pushing people even when I know where their boundaries are and understand why they are uncomfortable.
But "harassment" is generally defined to be "intimidation, bullying, or coercion," and "rape" is defined as "an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse," "compelling through physical force or duress."
The common denominator is will, yes? So if a person clearly communicates to you that he or she is not okay with something you are doing, and you continue to do that something, then you are in the wrong. If you force a person, then you are in the wrong.
How do you know if that person is not okay with something? For goodness' sake, ask! Why does no one ever ask?
So . . . if, for instance, you hated me commenting on your blog or talking to you or texting you, or you found something in my conduct reprehensible, you should tell me. If I continued to bother you, then I would be harassing you. Chances are, simply asking would fix the problem.
This all puts me in mind of CSL's words in SL: "I suggest, the stronger spirit . . . can really and irrevocably suck the weaker into itself and permanently gorge its own being on the weaker's outraged individuality" (235).
So . . . yay for Janelle's nonsense. Here's some more! DOUBLE YAY!
ReplyDeleteI really, truly think that the majority of problems people experience in relationships (friendship and otherwise) would be minimized or eliminated if people were honest with each other.
I think each person has the responsibility of asking whether he or she is doing something to cause offense/intimidate/hurt others, listening intently and without judgment or being offended to the complaint, and finally clearing up any misunderstandings and taking steps to correct the problem.
I think each person also has the responsibility of telling others when they do something to cause offense/intimidate/hurt him or her, listening intently and without judgment or being offended to the other person's explanation of the problem, and finally, clearing up any misunderstandings and taking steps to correct the problem.
I think this would effectively prevent most people from living life in constant fear or guilt. I mean, everyone makes mistakes, and we're all in this together . . .
Nonsense.
As I have found, fear and anger usually prevent perfect honesty. Even in myself, and I usually am as honest as humanly possible.
ReplyDeleteWhich is not to say I am honest. But I try to add the extra bits of honesty that people don't know to ask for. For example: if you ask if I want to . . . steal a car. I would say yes. Sure. But I won't.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying about fear, but I must admit that I always think of anger as forcing people into honesty. You know, you get angry, blurt stuff out . . .
ReplyDeleteI do think you are honest. If you have not achieved perfect honesty, it is not usually apparent to me. What you said just there put me in mind of this scene in *Anne of Green Gables* that used to make certain members of my family swoon. It's when Anne accuses her best friend's fiancé of being "too good," and her adopted mom Marilla says, "What? Would you rather marry a wicked man?" and Anne says, "No . . . but I'd like to marry someone who could be wicked and wouldn't."
Nonsense, amirite? Ugh, I don't know. There's honesty and then there's tact, and in a perfect world, honesty would be sufficient, but here . . .