Dance in the Full Moon

O, the Frailty of Memory

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

12.20a

[I haven't gone to sleep yet. I can still say it's the twentieth if I like]

“Pablo, if you could, you know . . . have . . . one celebrity, who would it be?”
“Oh, that's tough. You first.”
“No fair, I asked the question.”
“Hm. Audrey Hepburn.”
“No fair! Pick someone alive.”
“That was not stated in the rules, Casandra. It was not in the rules.”
“It is now. Pick someone alive.”
“Ugh. There are so many celebrities and only one me.”
“Pick a few then, and narrow it down.”
“I guess . . . if you're sure. Hm. Well, because she's funny, that girl on Community. Annie something. Allison Brie?”
“Really?”
“She's pretty.”
“I guess.”
“Um, well the woman from Requiem for A Dream. She's really beautiful.”
“She's old!”
“She wasn't then, silly face.”
“Old!”
“You don't like that? Fine, Cuddy from House.”
“She's mega old!”
“Mega.”
“Pick somebody real.”
“Katy Perry.”
“Too skanky.”
“Zooey Deschanel.”
“Who's that?”
500 Days of Summer.
“Too weird.”
“Briseis from Troy. The same actress is also in some new movie. What was it?”
“How am I supposed to know?”
“Woah.”
“Whoah what?”
“You got all defensive.”
“No I didn't.”
“Right. What's wrong?”
“Shouldn't you know what's wrong, mister I Know Everything?”
“Seriously, what's wrong?”
“Don't you think I'm pretty?”
“I don't . . . what? Where is this coming from?”
“I'm blonde. Why are you dating me if you don't think I'm pretty?”
“. . .”
“That's what I thought.”
“How am I supposed to answer that? How am I in the wrong for that? How is this my fault?”
“. . .”
“You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.”

14 comments:

  1. This conversation is a bit like burning. All of it feels wrong. I don't know why.

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  2. I realized that if I fall in love with a blonde woman, she'll want to know why.
    She doesn't really need to ask, of course, but she will, and I won't have an answer for her.

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  3. What, are brunettes stupidly trusting?

    I always thought I'd fall in love with a guy with dark hair and blue eyes. But I didn't, and I don't care. If you fall in love with a blonde, or a brunette, or a redhead, I imagine you'll have the same experience.

    Didn't you say once that when you love someone, she becomes perfection of beauty to you? No matter with whom you fall in love, just tell her that, and she'll believe you (eventually).

    I know guys are visual creatures and whatnot, but love is deeper than looks, after all. I once fell in love with a guy I thought looked repulsive, and then his looks stopped mattering, and then one day I realized that his looks were one of the things I loved. I don't know; for me, personality is inextricably linked to looks.

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  4. Firstly, you know brunettes are not stupidly trusting, so it's a silly question. Second, it shouldn't matter to my wife, because she's my wife, and those women are not, and that's that. And I said something like what you quoted, but I don't think I would have said "perfection." Perhaps "zenith" or "epitome."

    Basically, this is actually a story about how women back men into corners and don't let them win. If you read it any other way, congratulations. You're a woman.

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  5. Of course it's a silly question. But it's responding to a silly statement.

    If you wanted an exact quote, I believe you said "perfect" or "standard." You were younger then. If you had said "zenith" or "epitome," I definitely would have put that.

    And Robby, you should know by now that only terrible women are like that. If you are experiencing this with someone right now, I am heartily sorry for it, but it is not the way all women act, and you know it. From whence did this come?

    Yes, she trapped him. That was wrong of her. I totally saw that. She should have simply asked if he thought she was beautiful. But what guy would respond honestly to that question or a question like it? You would. I don't know; maybe Curtis or Philip would. But I don't think I know any other guys who would.

    Clearly, she does not trust him-- hence the trap-- and he did not think to ask why until the end, which I think was his mistake. He saw it was a trap and walked right into it.

    In any case, this conversation was not about winning, or at least, it should not have been. The woman's argument-- that he does not find her beautiful because she is blonde-- is clearly not one she wants to win. She probably felt inadequate, probably because of something her man did without thinking, and she didn't feel she could confront him directly about it, which is not entirely her fault.

    But seriously, the man walked right into the trap and never stopped to ask why. Plus, according to the conversation, he won. If the conversation was about winning for anyone, it was for him, which, I think, is a tragedy.

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  6. But I think maybe there's something you need to understand. I do not consider myself to be pretty, and while there are things I am/could be working on to remedy that, I'm pretty sure that if I fixed everything about my looks, I still would not believe myself to be beautiful.

    I would want my husband/boyfriend/fiancé to think I was beautiful, but frankly, that is not as important to me as him thinking I am interesting and smart and good. Plus, as I think I've said somewhere before, people can and often do learn to see things as beautiful because they love them.

    I think many relationships are doomed from the start because guys think their women care only about their looks, and women think guys care only about their looks, and so their relationship is full of traps and double-crosses because no one wants to go any deeper than the surface.

    But looks change, and so do people. I may not be beautiful now, but I'm working on it.

    Maybe in ten or fifteen years, you'll be pudgy or bald, or maybe you'll have lost an ear or something. And brunettes go gray just like the rest of us (unless they color their hair). The physical stuff is very important-- I'm not trying to say it isn't-- but it's only the surface.

    The part that burns me about what Pablo said is that when she asked him why he was dating her, whether or not he thought she was pretty, he said, "I don't" and kept silent and said, "How am I supposed to answer that?" and "How is this my fault?"

    Understandable answers, but what she needed to hear was that while brunette celebrities are attractive, no one wants to build a real relationship with them (or at least, Pablo doesn't). What she needed to hear was that he loved her and would always love her, no matter what she looked like. She needed to be reminded that looks aren't everything, and he let her keep believing that they were.

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  7. He didn't win. I mean, she came away with the losing attitude, but he didn't win.
    Second, there is no answer. It's like asking "does this dress make me look fat?" No answer will suffice. So he just doesn't keep walking into her trap. It's pointless, so he says "I don't . . . what?" and keeps trying to find a way to address the situation without addressing it. Maybe it's not right, but whatever.

    And I don't think that's what she needed to hear. What you suggested is a patch, a band-aid on a problem that's already scarred over. She already loves Pablo, or else his words wouldn't hurt her as much as they do. He already loves her, or else I wouldn't have written it.
    What they need is to address the root of the problem. And neither of them can see the root, so it doesn't matter anyway.

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  8. Yeah, that was a conversation no one could win.

    The only time there is no answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?" is when the dress actually does make her look fat. And I'm with Haluska on that one.

    What is the root of the problem?

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  9. If I knew that, I could make a lot of money writing books. I'm like a blinking red light on a bank of switches: I only tell you something is wrong, not where or why.

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  10. Yes, and only an idiot says, "Well, there's something wrong, but who cares what?" Now that you've highlighted a problem . . . doesn't it need to be fixed? Understood? I'd very much love to make money writing books.

    Seriously, though, what IS the problem? You say it's scarred over. Where's the scar? You rather inexplicably link that to the fact that they already love each other, as though . . . love is the root of the problem?

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  11. Duh love creates problems. If she were to ask their gay friend Ted, she would never be disappointed or annoyed that all of his answers didn't resemble her because it doesn't matter to her.

    If two people notice that there's a problem, they SHOULD try to fix it. But this is the sort of problem that will dissipate if nobody touches it. She'll touch it again, and that's her stupidity. He'll avoid it, hoping it will go away. That's his stupidity.

    They'll either work it out because they're both committed to it or they'll fall apart because one or both of them loses faith. That's really what keeps humans together, not some ludicrous mystical bond. It's just a choice to stay together, or a promise, or pressure from society.
    And everybody knows it but nobody's willing to admit that it's true.

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  12. How, exactly, is that his stupidity, if, you know, that's the thing that would dissipate the problem?

    Yeah, I used to think that, too. And it is somewhat true. But there is also more.

    Funny, though, isn't it, how love apparently creates and solves its own problems, based on your comment?

    I don't know Pablo and Casandra as well as you do (obviously), but I still think . . . hmmm. Is this a conversation you want to continue?

    Because if it is, then I'll say a couple of things. Women want to believe that the men in their lives find them beautiful (we've established this). The conversation between Pablo and Casandra seems to be saying that he does not find her beautiful at all. Is that, in fact, true?

    This seems to be a thing both characters know and accepted long ago. So Casandra is apparently wondering if his perception of her looks has changed?

    If this relationship was built on honesty, then, as it appears to have been, why doesn't he just give her a straight answer to the question, "Why are you dating me?" Probably she already knows what the answer is, but people need reminding.

    I don't know. If I were her, I doubt my boyfriend and I would even be having that conversation, but if we did, I think I would want him to say something like, "You aren't the type of person I would normally be attracted to, and I don't think you're beautiful, but I still love you and want to be with you because ____________."

    But, as I said, you know these characters better than I do.

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  13. Well, in my head, he did believe she was beautiful but she argued with him when he said it. So I just didn't keep writing. It's pointless to argue with someone when they don't want to believe.

    I had an argument with myself at midnight as I was falling asleep.

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