"Good morning," I grumble, flinging my coat into the deep recesses of her office.
"Yes, what do you need?"
"You, I suppose. But you won't give yourself to me because I won't to you."
I watched her stand up, all ice and business. "It sounds like you have my half of this relationship all figured out."
"Yep."
"So tell me, do we work out in the end?"
"It depends."
"Does it? I was under the impression that you were leaving my office."
That was when I forgot my coat. Don't worry. She'll mail it to me or something.
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I find this confusing. It sounds like he's coming in for work, but then he isn't, so I guess he's just visiting her, but then why does he throw his coat? Why does she think he was leaving her office?
ReplyDelete"You, I suppose" just sort of makes me sad.
I like the "ice and business" and the part where he's pretty sure she'll send him his coat.
He's not coming in for work; he thinks he's staying for a while to talk. I should never write dialogue without narration because she is subtly suggesting to him that she wants him to please leave, now.
ReplyDeleteIt's a sad story about two people who have both been at this spot in the story so many times that it becomes rote.
Don't think my confusion is reason to never write dialogue without narration. A second read-through makes what you're saying pretty obvious.
ReplyDeleteWell, I would hope so.
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