He is talkative.
He is smiling.
He is sad.
Everything he does, someone does better. He doesn't get the best grades, or draw the best pictures, or make the funniest jokes, or have the most friends. He doesn't sing, or dance, or love, or write, or jump, or anything better than anyone else. He has no identity. He's not "the guy with glasses." He's not "the guy with a fast car." He's not "the guy who ran three miles." He's nobody.
And he hides it, because if somebody else finds out--if somebody else notices that he has no identity, he'll break. Snap. Crumble. They'll laugh, and he'll have no response. "What are you good at?" Crunch. Crack. "What do you want to do when you grow up?" An implosion on a personal scale.
As long as he can hide the fact that he has no idea what he's doing, he'll be alright.
Add an "s" to "he" and you get me.
ReplyDelete(That was clever, wasn't it?)
Yeah, except even hiding the fact that I don't know what I'm doing won't make it all right.
I just depressed myself.
You're still stuck in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson's_stages_of_psychosocial_development#Fidelity:_Identity_vs._Role_Confusion_.28Adolescents.2C_13_to_19_years.29 this stage.
ReplyDeleteWhich is okay, because the next stage isn't any better. It's just . . . let God lead, I guess. I was in high school and I kept getting freaked out because I wasn't the best at ANYTHING so I just kind of gave up trying to find out who I needed to be. Then, I was walking into a choir performance and I said something that only a writer would say. Then I realized what I was good at. And sure, there are better people than me, but . . .
It kind of resolved. All at once. I realized how I would identify myself if people asked what I liked doing.
Wow. Happy story. I'm not sure what to say.
ReplyDeleteSo, back to me (because it's just so entertaining to talk about myself) I have to say, I know what I want to do. Whether or not I can do it, however, is a completely different... uhm... turnip.
I wonder if anyone really is the best at anything. I mean, it's all in point of view.
Maybe . . . but when everyone you know is better than you at something, you might not want to base your whole identity on that whole thing.
ReplyDeleteWho said anything about identity?
ReplyDelete