9.2a

The Wizard slowly stepped out of his limousine, chocolate sprinkles tinkling silently on the lush carpet. "I am here to collect your princess," said he to the empty room. "The foremost warrior in your realm, mighty and impervious to moral befuddlement, Gerald, did implore me to take her in exchange for a declaration of peace."

A servant streaked through carrying a rump roast.

"AHEM" the Wizard announced. He slammed the door so hard that the chauffeur jumped in his seat, grinding more sprinkles into his slacks. "I SAID I AM HERE FOR THE PRINCESS BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR OLD AGE."

A servant wheeled a vat of chicken grease across the antechamber.

"I say, you there!"

The servant slowed, turned, shivered, and threw himself into the vat.

I poked my head around the corner where I was hiding. Francis skittered across the floor.

"THERE YOU ARE" the Wizard screamyelled.

"You're missing your nupitals" I said, hair blowing back from the force of the Wizard's halitosis.

"YOU MUST GIVE ME THE PRINCESS OR say what again?"

"You are eleven hours late for your own wedding."

"I MUST HAVE why am I yelling FORGOTTEN TO ACCOUNT FOR THE FACT THAT DWARVES DO NOT KEEP ACCURATE TIME."

I ushered the wizard into the cathedral. He nodded gravely to the right side but coldly rebuffed the left. He dragged the princess off the podium and outside.

"Where are we going?" she squealed.

"TO THE CANDYCANE FOREST wow my voice gets loud SO THAT I CAN THEN TEACH YOU THE MEANING OF 'HIGH FRUCTOSE!'" yelled he.

That day was the last time I ever saw the Wizard.

Francis grew up and became the prime minister.

I grew up and became something that sounds far less impressive.