"Really, it's fine. Remember that time in Spanish class? I was fine then, too. You just . . ."
"No, it's just that you tend to not believe me."
"Not all the time, just when I say that I'm fine."
"I'm fine."
"Really, truly."
"I have this one piece of advice: next time you're worried about taking her out on a date, forget about me. Focus on having a good time. I know we're friends, and bros before hoes and all that, but seriously. You deserve a good thing."
His roommate could only hear half of the conversation. But it sounded like breaking, rending, and shattering.
::
"I just wanted to check, to really make sure."
"I just what? Tend to overlook you? That's what I'm trying to not do."
"What? Since when?"
" . . . so are you fine?"
"Really, truly?"
"Well, okay. I just know that you guys were tight and it ended badly. I didn't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong . . ."
"Man, if you say it's okay, then it's okay. And thanks for being so cool."
His new girlfriend could only hear half of the conversation. But it sounded like hope, light, and an escape hatch.
I don't know how clear this is. It seems a little 20th century of me.
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing.
ReplyDeleteDepressing, but amazing.
It works.
I have very different associations with the word "fine" from yours.
Well, sort of. Maybe.
20th century is a good description. (I'm all torn up inside now.) Nice Work. I really like how you did both sides of the conversation--most people just do the one, you know. This is fuller, more complete.
ReplyDeleteROBBY YOU HAVE SCRAMBLED MY BRAIN WHERE IS SHERLOCK HOLMES AND HIS MYSTERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY UNDER THE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA????????????????????
ReplyDeleteUgh, the second conversation half was written after. I should polish it. AND the "observation" bits don't sound quite obvious enough. Did you get that it was the people listening to the halves thinking the emotions?
ReplyDelete*should say "listening to the halves, not participating who are thinking the emotions"
ReplyDeleteAND JANELLE
Sherlock will return.
And I know that phrase will make you freak all on its own.
Have you read Doyle's death scene? It's poignant. So much so that he had to bring Sherlock BACK. Commercial success.
Yes--you wrote what the listeners felt as they heard the conversation, right? How do you plan on making them more obvious?
ReplyDeleteUm . . . I don't know. I'm not even sure I'm planning on returning to this. It's pretty painful.
ReplyDeletePainful bad. I don't think it can be fixed.
ReplyDeleteUnless it's not broken, at which point whatever.
Yes, yes I know Doyle hated Sherlock and only wrote about him to pay the bills. He was a historian or some ridiculousness, but who cares, because Sherlock and Watson transcended even the hatred of their writer because they were just THAT GOOD.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the fragments are more effective.
Just sayin'.
I get the pain. (I think I do, anyway. I feel pain reading this, imagining myself hearing these things, or saying these things. The pain's there.) So if that's what you're going for, it's not broken.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I just thought, maybe the observation doesn't sound strong enough to you because you want or expect it to smack you in the face. But I think whispers are just as effective--and sometimes even more so.
Also, don't return if it hurts. That can't be healthy, right?
Ok, I'm done. Goodnight.
Robby, you write so eloquently. This is so painful to read but so beautifully done. Your juxtaposition of the two halves and the alternate interpretations is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI love it. I understood it perfectly. You're good, real good!
ReplyDeleteWELL thank you everybody.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I will send this in to the Legacy. It seems to have the most positive feedback of anything I've written recently and I don't like anything else.
PERHAPS
Ugh. It's still just so . . . un fun.