Being sick sucks.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
1.22
My chest feels like there are weights hanging off of my insides. The chains are invisible and are made of disappointment, so they're impossible to break. I tried to pull them off with cheap happiness from the dollar store but the happiness broke. I was so tired I slept for six hours in the afternoon and now I'm tired again.
Being sick sucks.
Being sick sucks.
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ReplyDeleteSo I'm reminded suddenly of this book on Stoicism that said you have to set internal goals that you can actually reach on your own instead of basing your happiness on things beyond your control.
So.
And getting sick was beyond my control so I shouldn't be sad about being sick?
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't make any sense. Sometimes things that I can't control DO make me sad. I want a wife and if I can't find a woman who wants me/I want, I will be sad. I can't control 100% of that.
That theory is bollocks.
It is a confusing theory. I see how you could make a case for it. What if things you did made you sick? Like if you ate a bucket of candy and then danced naked in the snow?
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Robby. I would be sad if I never married.
Yes, and you would be sad if said person died young.
ReplyDeleteI am still processing this theory, but a part of me is attracted to it because I know deep in my heart that the things I don't have control over will never conspire to make me happy. I know I won't be getting married, even though I want to. I know I won't be the greatest writer of all time, even though I want to. I know I won't live in a world of only daisies and sunshine.
I need my happiness to be based on something constant. So instead of trying to be the greatest writer ever, I should try to be the greatest writer I can be. Instead of moping because I'm not dating some guy, I should remember that no matter what, God loves me, and I can be content with that.
I didn't explain anything well. I never do, so get used to it. But I think there is merit in this theory, and I think it is possible to be sick without being whiny about it.
But maybe that's not possible for everyone.
My grandfather died when my mom was sixteen, and my grandma has lived for forty years without him. But she hasn't chosen to be constantly miserable. She went to Africa.
ReplyDeleteTo expand on my thoughts, (I'm not contradicting myself, even if it sounds like it) I think there is happiness beyond sadness. I've been listening to Mere Christianity for the past week. In one of the more recent chapters Lewis touched on feelings. He has the same opinion I do on them: feelings come and feelings go (and feeling are deceiving).
ReplyDeleteI think you can choose to be happy no matter what. I know you can choose God. I know He can give you peace and even joy, despite your sadness. And I think the peace and joy you get from Him is not like a feeling--in fact, I don't think it's a feeling at all. The happiness we receive from God is constant. That doesn't mean we feel joyful all the time, or that we're immune to feeling sad, or even that we can walk through life smiling all the time. God's happiness means (and this is very poorly put) that even when we're unhappy we know it's ok--that life goes on, that this sadness isn't it . . .
When we have God's happiness, life isn't about us. (At least we aren't trying to make ourselves the center of the universe. [Even if that happens on accident sometimes.]) And since life isn't about us, we can keep living and not be miserable, because the sadness of today (the loneliness of today) won't matter in eternity.
Lewis says, "Aim for heaven, and earth gets thrown in."
Yep. Definitely done here.
ReplyDeleteHaha, whatever Janelle. You don't get to decide.
ReplyDelete