Stephen closed his eyes. Through them, he could see the faint shimmer of light from the lamp in the next room. He relaxed his muscles, forcing them to be limp. He took shallow breaths, forcing his chest to rise and fall less and less, until the movement was almost imperceptible. He could feel the raw weight of his head tilting forward toward his chest. He let it fall unaided. His chin made a hollow sound as it hit his chest. His head dragged his shoulders down and left, and Stephen slumped off his chair and to the ground like a scientist's gel mold that hadn't quite set. Stephen lay tangled on the floor, unwilling to get up, unwilling to be comfortable.
He was fine the way he was. There wasn't anybody who could make him otherwise.
After a few hours, Stephen woke up with a crick in his neck and knots in his back. His legs hurt from being wrapped through the chair legs. His arm was so far asleep that he couldn't feel it anymore. Almost everything hurt from the ridiculous posture gravity and laziness had imposed.
It hurt.
He felt alive.
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This feels so familiar.
ReplyDeleteWhy "Stephen"? It always reminds me weirdly of Stephen Dedalus.
I like the word "crick." I once knew a girl who insisted that it was "creek." I thought she was thinking of a different word. She wasn't.
As long as he knows it's him unwilling to be comfortable, then good. We have more control than we know.
That doesn't make any sense, dude.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I'll think about it more and maybe come to a conclusion that isn't so stupid.
And then I'll probably let you know about it.
What doesn't make any sense, now?
ReplyDeleteIt's not a stupid conclusion. When you have something very important with which to deal and cannot do anything about it, and that something makes you uncomfortable, you exert control over something you CAN control. So . . . If you've got this uncomfortable feeling in your gut, you impose discomfort in your limbs, etc., etc.
That makes perfect sense to me. It might even be helpful somehow.
Do! Do.