2.8

There's just something about a man's voice that . . . trumps a woman's voice. I'm sorry, ladies. I wish it weren't so for my sake, but at least you all benefit too.

Exhibit A: @ 15 seconds in to 30 seconds

Gordon Bietz flows into Lisa Diller into Jan Haluska. Now, I'm not saying that I think Dr. Diller is any less capable or any less worthy than the other two. As a matter of fact, I think she would reconsider the A she gave me in World Civ if I did say that. What I'm saying is that it's a startling contrast between two male voices, both of which have command and presence, and Diller's thin contralto. There's more of all of them in there, but that's the best section.

Exhibit B: All of it

Peter Gregory is asian. Very. And when he got up to speak he said "Hello. My name is . . . Peter Gregory." And there was silence for as long as it takes to shiver and the entire audience went "what?" under their breath. It was fantastic. He held us enraptured just because of his voice, when no one else at "Intents" could do it. Not even Dr. Tilstra or Dr. King can claim that honor.

Exhibit C: It's very loud

There is nothing inherently funny about Curtis and I singing. We're both acceptable. We're in I Cantori. But we sound like children or prepubescent girls. It's funny because we sound like men most of the time.

Exhibit D: The Venture Brothers

Man who sounds like woman? Woman who sounds like man? Why? It's funny, that's why. And Dr. Girlfriend is more competent than the Monarch. I'm not saying it's because of her voice, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

Exhibit E: Richard of CSFPQ Breaking News

I can go into super tryhard mode and the results are plain to see. Even though I'm saying ridiculous things, I sound half-competent.

Exhibits F-Z: Every newscaster to ever live and not be Katie Couric. And Prairie Home Companion.

This ^ isn't creative, but it certainly unlocks a bit of humanity. How do we, as writers in a non-audio medium, tap into this idea?

Aubrey is five and thinks like a five-year old. "Daddy is home, thank God. Mommy always makes me clean things and set the table until Daddy gets home. When he's home, I can always get Mommy to let me play with him instead of doing work." Daddy is 30 and thinks like a 30-year old. It's better that Aubrey know how to read than that she play. So he reads her books. "Do you like Green Eggs and Ham?" "I do not like them, Sam-I-Am. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham." She sits on his lap and forgets to concentrate on the book. She likes the feel of his rumble on her back.