Bertrand Russell once said that the worst thing about the world was that fools and fanatics were so sure of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. I've never been wise, but I doubt myself constantly. It's a condition. I've tried to find a cream for it, but my pharmacist seems woefully underprepared for a rash or existential crisis. I think Russell was trying his very hardest to be pithy and missed the point.
I'm a fool, but I doubt what I do every minute of every day. Perhaps if what Russell says is true, therefore, it's more accurate to say that doubt seems wiser. Insecurity seems to be the best course of action.
So I'll continue to spin my doubts, calling it wisdom but feeling its foolishness. God? This one's on you.
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Oh, Robby.
ReplyDeleteI feel preachy in saying this, but having doubts is one thing. Telling God you have doubts is another. Still another is the thing that seems to actually help, according to Mark 9:23-5:
Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it: “Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!”
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The more I struggle against what is both my nature and what my experience has nurtured in me, the more I find that. The continual turning. The acknowledgement of personal weakness, then the cry for help. The acceptance of that help. It isn't enough to know yourself, Robby. You know this.
I mean, John 17:3, the thing I quote all the time. Plus, you know, John 8:32 mixed with a bit of John 17:17 and a dash of John 1:1.
Well-intentioned. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteBut sideways.
I'm not struggling with the things I can verbalize. And the things I verbalize are no longer my struggles.
So thank you anyway.
Don't thank me, Robby. Just go to God with or without words and keep going and trying and don't give up.
ReplyDeleteI know you won't. I just need to remind myself that you won't.