I didn't need my angry journal for weeks, but I need it today. It's in my other bag, abandoned in my other life, left in a world I thought I discarded.
But today, my friend is angry with me, and I am angry at that. I need to vent. I need to feel the physical release of scratching deep into a page with my pencil. I need to write words I hope no one will ever read. I need to put my words on paper so they will escape my head and not burst forth the next time I talk to--my friend! My friend doesn't need my words. These words are acid, ripping molecules from their moorings and disassembling them with surgical accuracy. I can pull out feelings and tear them into tiny bits. That's what. And those sorts of words go in my angry journal. I need my angry journal. I need it.
I hope my friend doesn't happen to call. I hope my friend doesn't try to confront me, call me out, hurt my feelings. I'm an ocean. I absorb the rocks you throw at me, swallow them up, and drown them. Drown. Eventually, the violence of my storms rolls those rocks to sand, to silica, to salt.
And that's why I need my angry journal.
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Is this you or not-you? It's a very good impression of anger and frustration.
ReplyDeleteIs there anything you need?
I've had a lot of practice. I direct your attention to the words directly underneath the title.
ReplyDeleteYes, dear, it's not like you bring that up on a regular basis or anything . . .
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't answer any of the questions, though. Skillfully done! On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it . . . an 8. I mean, really, all it's worth is an 8.5. A 9.8 at the very highest. Because there's always room for improvement. :-P
Hooray anger! Wait, no. The other thing.
ReplyDeleteBut there are so many things other than anger . . .
ReplyDeleteDid it ever get resolved, whatever it was?
Why do you ask? Trying to figure out what it was?
ReplyDeleteIf so, I'm unlikely to answer questions about it. :P
No, dear. It's not that I don't want to know what it was. But believe me
ReplyDeleteNo really. Believe me
Are you listening?
Believe me when I say that I actually care more about you than about knowing things. If you're okay, then good. If it's been resolved, then good. That's all I need to know.
Are you doing that thing where you deflect things and redirect because you've stuffed the real thing into a box where you don't have to look at it anymore?
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm doing that thing where even I don't know what's going on and why would I talk about it if I have no data?
ReplyDeleteThat's rumors.
That's mean.
Okay, this is confusing. I'm not interested in gossip or rumors, though, so I'm going to let it go. I pray everything works out okay and that you come out okay.
ReplyDelete