Now that I have a situation that I really should be thinking about, I cannot. Now that I have a decision to make, I cannot. But I feel as though I have, already at some point, made the decision. It's like an empty ice cream cone. Once you see it, you remember at some point there must have been more ice cream than there is now. But it wasn't enough. Why isn't there more ice cream? So it is with my decision. I know that there must have been a point at which I was thinking really seriously of my choices, but I just can't remember it. There wasn't enough decision.
So when people ask me for my final say, I don't feel like I can trust my words. Really, Robby? That's your answer? You didn't even DECIDE ever, you just . . . thought you knew the answer. Really? You're going to make a major life decision based on your GUT? It continues in this vein until I am thoroughly depressed about my general ability to make decisions. Eventually, I know that I won't be able to keep putting it off, and I will have to air my decision. But I know that all the intervening time in the world won't change my mind.
I have chosen to climb the mountain. I have chosen to live my life as a hermit. I have chosen to wear high heels. I have chosen to write a book. I have chosen to hold back the tide.
I have chosen yes before I knew there was a no. I don't think that's very fair, do you?
"I have chosen to climb the mountain. I have chosen to live my life as a hermit. I have chosen to wear high heels. I have chosen to write a book. I have chosen to hold back the tide."
ReplyDeleteI hope you know that I would quite happily hold you to all of those.
Seriously, though, I think that this does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with your thinking. I mean, by all means, constantly reevaluate your choices, but . . . well, a few things.
First of all, I spend a good deal of time talking to you about your opinions on things, and I used call you on decisions that you make that appear to me to be rash or unthinking only to find out that you have perfectly logical reasons to back them. I still talk to you about opinions you've expressed for which you have not offered rationale, but I now do this to learn the reasons you already have.
Maybe you don't do that for everything, but my own observations make me think that either you or your subconscious mind is capable of making decently good decisions quickly. This is a skill I envy because I am terrible at doing that.
I don't think our instincts/guts/intuition/hunches are entirely unreliable. Our brains pick up and sift through massive amounts of information, and we cannot possibly pay attention to all of it.
Also, you are always free to change your mind if new information comes to light, are you not? Is your gut so stubborn that it cannot listen to reason?
I don't know. I guess I think if you can trust your brain to send electrical impulses to your heart and keep it beating, and the decisions you realize you've made after you've made them are decent choices after all, and you can find logical reasons to support them, maybe you should . . . be glad you've been spared the mental agony that I experience when trying to decide things?
I just realized there's no "second of all." Go me! This is how you know these comments are extemporaneous and straight from the heart. (Length may also be an indicator?) :-S
ReplyDeleteIn my LLUSM interview, the interviewer asked me, "How do you stand on controversial current issues?" Of course, I hadn't expected that question, as I don't ever sit down and say, Oh, let's dig up a current medical controversy in my free time today and just ponder it.
ReplyDeleteWe ended up talking about euthanasia, and my issues with whether it's really as wrong as most people say. Which I won't go into here.
My point is, that he asked me (as if I was in the situation of, say, an old person on life support whose family wants to pull the plug because they are alive but not really living), How would you make your choice? And I said, Well, I have a few people whose opinions I trust very much, so of course I'd talk to them. And he said, Ok, what if their opinions contradict each other? How are you going to decide?
For the life of me, I didnt' know what he wanted. I didn't think it'd be wise to tell the truth, but I did because I didn't know what else to say. So I said, "When it came down to it, I'd make it based on my gut. I would do what I FEEL is right, even if other people disagree. Otherwise, I couldn't live with myself."
He nodded and said, "Exactly. You have to learn to trust your instincts, even when you have conflicting evidence."
...
So, the point of this hellishly long story is that, really, you ARE making decisions and they're based on facts, which is how it's supposed to be. You just have a problem with the timeline of doing so. Oh, there might be a few abberations, but on the whole, it' ok. I really don't see the problem myself--NOBODY totally withholds all judgement until they have every fact they need. I thought we all made decisions the way you do. I know I do. So...breath a little.
And when I say, "You have a problem with the timline," I don't mean that there really is a problem with the timeline. I mean that you THINK there's a problem with the timeline. I also think you overanalyze how you think. Janelle says you made sound decisions. I'd go with her--she seems to be pretty smart.
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks guys.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time, I have reasons for my decisions. There's just one, lately, for which I don't have a reason. I would like one. I would love for my decision to be right.
But this is something I want to think about. This is something I can't just trust my gut on. This is life. This is difficult. I can't jump the gun.
So as much as your input helps (it really does), I'm going to continue to not allow it to be my final decision.
Oh, I see. Yeah.
ReplyDeleteWait, then, and see. But don't beat yourself up; maybe just keep your gut as one reason and collect some more, and see what happens?
Wow. First of all, longest comment in the history of internet award goes to Janelle lol. Secondly, I like your metaphors. Thirdly, trusting your gut is tricky. Personally, I rarely trust mine, because it's inconsistent. It's not 'usually' correct OR incorrect, it varies wildly. So I generally say only trust your gut when It's all you have to go on, but making a decision WITHOUT all the facts isn't as big a deal as you make it out to be. Not all of your decisions have to be perfect. You are entitled to make mistakes. Take a load off already :P
ReplyDeleteThis decision? Kind of a big deal.
ReplyDeleteSo, while I know I am entitled to make mistakes (thanks Kyle), I really really don't want to.
Thanks, Kyle. I feel I have earned this. I'd also like to thank my publicist . . . :-)
ReplyDeleteRobby, do you have anyone with whom you can talk about this? Sometimes talking things out helps me with decisions. I don't know. I'm around, if you need a sounding board.